By Pops Beardsly
What is haiku? To put it in the simplest of terms, it is a poem of three lines, the first
containing five syllables, the second containing seven syllables, and the third containing five.
There are some other rules they are supposed to follow (see http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/),
but since these are waki haiku, they have been mostly ignored.
They say that no two
Snowflakes are alike, but it
hasn't been proven.
No trees bark like a
dog would, and no dog has a
bark like a dogwood.
Real is not always
better; for instance, for hair,
shampoo beats real poo.
I would rather have
a glass of ice water than
a glass fly swatter.
Some Mexican stuff
isn't appealing to me,
for instance, canned coon.
Chestnuts roasting on
an open fire, my thoughts turn
to the chestnut blight.
I
envied a man
with a trick dog till I met
one with a trick knee.
He was such low-life,
he always had to hide on
trash collection day.
My mistake; the meat
was cooked on a spit, not the
cook spit on the meat.
I used to think that
"innuendo" was something
about peeping Toms.
Eric Settee was
often mistaken for the
Ottoman Umpire.
The underwater
carpenter used a sea saw
and two seahorses.
Adam told a joke
in the Garden of Eden.
The first Adam bomb.
The cartoonist knew
the hardships he endured would
build caricature.
There's nothing I can
say that won't offend someone,
even this drivel.
Have you ever seen
toad shoes? Why would anyone
want to steal toad shoes?
A corn snake should not
be confused with a corn dog.
Corn snakes are harmless.
Does a spelling bee
produce any more honey
than a wannabe?
The underwater
carpenter had some sea clamps
and a sea level.
He drank like a fish
out of water, smoking like
a chimney salmon.
You can choose what to
chew, but you can't always chew
whatever you choose.
Sometimes "sanction" means
"Go for that," but other times,
it means "forgo that."
The choirmaster
told the group to refrain from
singing the refrain.
Around here, we have
porta-jons, but in Haiti,
They have Port au Prince.
The underwater
carpenter made a sea bed
out of aquafir.
A man wielding a
pitchfork, obviously a
piano tuner.
I went overseas
on seas so rough I couldn't
see over the seas.
On his last day, the
exterminator said "that's
my final ant, sir".
If you give a fish
a drink, he'll drink like a fish.
So predictable.
It is easier
to defy gravity than
to de-fry an egg.
The underwater
carpenter built a water
table with bass wood.
A man-eating squid.
Frightening? No, It was just
A man, eating squid.
Olive, the other
reindeer, used to laugh and call
him names; she's gone now.
Bottled spring water:
no summer, fall, or winter.
spring is all they have.
The profundity
of these words is such that you
can't understand them.
The underwater
carpenter added sea legs
to the pool table.
With a paring knife,
I halved the pear so I'd have
a pair of pear halves.
Miles Davis' nonet
got critics' raves, but the fans
said "no no nonet".
An elephant can't
remember like a starfish.
It can grow new legs.
The underwater
carpenter wore a pair of
water moccasins.
In the Fall, sculptor
Alexander Calder would
make Autumn mobiles.
"Saurus" from the Greek
means "lizard," so what the hell
is a thesaurus?
One of Santa's elves
ran off to the city to
be a metro-gnome.
The underwater
carpenter bought a water
pick with his depth charge.
If tubas don't have
teeth, then of what value is
a tuba toothpaste?
I almost installed
venison blinds, but then I
remembered the dog.
Ironically, the
youth in Asia have no use
for euthanasia.
Vegetarians
kill plants, but cannibals are
humantarians.
The anemone
is an enemy of so
many, many fish.
Not a good idea,
weeping willow branches for
wiener roasting sticks.
Once he had breached the
henhouse, Fox knew he had clinched
the pullet surprise.
Dogs stayed away from
the Sultan when he wore the
invincible fez.
There was a woman
who gave candy to the deer.
The deer sweet lady.
The underwater
carpenter smoothed the beach wood
with his hydroplane.
Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh,
the law on our tail.
Those are duck hunters
from Venice, hiding behind
their Venetian blinds.
Meningitis, though
scary, hardly compares to
womeningitis.
Should old acquaintance
be forgot and never brought
to mind, good riddance.
How can you ever
tell whether musicians are
playing or working?
That tower in
France
is such an eye-full that that's
how it got its name.
I took some fish to
the cleaners and they told me
that they don't clean fish.
You'd better not shout,
You'd better not cry, or I'll
be forced to kill you.
An anonymous
anemone accepts its
anonymity.
The Venus mission
had every window equipped
with Venutian blinds.
When New Yorkers say
"party", it sounds like "potty",
and that worries me.
Do you ever change
your mind after you have spit
out your chewing gum?
Kidney beans are grown
with ease, even by a young
kidney gardener.
It's legendary
at the county fair, that old
farmer's almond knack.
The school's marching choir
among other things, did a
perfect choral wreath.
Couldn't fill the tire,
a hedge against inflation,
bushes in the way.
The priest hood should not
be confused with the holy
cowl, worn by the Pope.
Only seven seas?
What about Tennessee, and
number eight and nine?
Mary had a lamb.
It followed her all the way
to the slaughterhouse.
A boy with matches
started it, proving a child
can
raze a village.
© 2007 Shelby Design
